I am sick
of waking up,
with you
without me.
Maybe that's why...
Maybe that's why I smile
when I fall asleep, because I know,
if only for a little while,
you're here,
with you,
with me.
A blanket of white,
greeted me that day,
when I woke up,
without you there.
It didn't change my outlook
on time,
or reason.
You were always
gone.
And I guess
that ticked me off,
like a clock, winding, and unwinding,
in perfect precision.
I stood and arched my feet and spun around,
my hands clenching the white sheets,
me
being
without you.
Then I stumbled, and lost my place,
in the world.
I hit the dresser,
and bumped open the drawer.
I stood up,
now on flat feet,
and found the hidden puzzle piece
to my childlike grin.
And so maybe,
that night,
when the stars blanketed the sky,
I smiled because I knew that,
this night,
you wouldn't be gone when I woke up in the morning.
You would be here,
on blood-patterned sheets,
with you,
with me.

I just don't want to be alone...

I just don't want to hurt anymore...

We all have an inner...good, even if it swears profusely.

8:00 AM

(BEEP)
Get up.
No, I don't want to.
Man, get up.
(BEEEEP)
Fuck you.
Get out of bed or I'm going to dump this bucket of water on your he-
(BEEEEEEP)
Fuck. I'm up. Get out of my fucking head.

10:30 AM

School is shitty.
School should die.
School is a fucking waste of my time.
Why the hell did I get out of bed?
Life isn't just about you and your own fucking self-politics.

Noon

Food. Aw, man. Food.

12:15 PM.

Man, why isn't there more food? Maybe someone else has food...

12:30 PM.

Why can't I skip?
I just want to go home.
Why can't I go home?
Damn.
Damnit.
Damnit all to hell.
It's really not that bad.
You actually like this class.
You actually like these people.
Suck it up.

3:30 PM

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Is that how it goes?
Damn.
That's how I feel.
Only a couple more minutes.
And then I'm free.
You think?

4:30 PM

Fuck this!
It's just homework.
No! Fuck it.
If you stop procrastinating and just do it, you'll be done in half an hour, tops.
Fuck you.

9:30 PM

No sleep.
I can't sleep.
Nope.
No.
You're tired.
What the fuck do you know?
Go to sleep.
I can't!
Stop thinking.
What?
Stop thinking.
...Man, sometimes I just want to plunge into nothingness.
So, what's stopping you?

Note to self : Strangers on a Train....

Destructible Heroes.
Tangible Lies.
Creating a Web.
Of Unsurpassible Designs.
Open Your Eyes.
Because the Dark is a Nightmare.
Close Your Mouth.
Because No One Can Hear You When You Scream.
It's Better To Be Logical.
Anyway.
Don't Kiss Strangers.
They'll Think You're a Whore.
Sit On a Roof and Listen To Lullabies.
Watch the Night Sky As It Dissappears.

I worry too much.
I've always worried too much.
That's why sleeping until two in the afternoon has always agreed with me.
I don't need to know the reasons why half the day is a waste.
I just need the night.
You were always the black rose in my night, shaded by perfection and my longing desire, which sometimes ended in behind the bushes upheaval.
It lead back to the drinking.
And the smoking.
If my brain was in the right state I wouldn't have ever done it, but no, it's in my nature to worry too much and damned if I didn't take her hand and jump off the roof anyway.
We were young.
Life was too fragile.
So she took my hand, instead of me taking hers.
And when we jumped she gave me a strange, funny look, that made me wonder if stars were exploding in her eyes and then being reborn.
I tried to forget, afterwards.
But there she was, her hands wrapped around mine.
There she was, a similiar sleepy smile on her face.
And so, without the smoke and drink,
I kissed her, so I wouldn't pollute her taste.
And she gave me that strange, funny look and said, "You have never been so real."
I stopped worrying.
And I started waking up early so I could be the first to witness the birth of stars in her eyes.

Fall in love with me.
I dare you.

I fall asleep at night, wondering if you are waiting for everything to collapse.

I guess it all started with Math class, when you told the teacher that Math wasn't worth it, and skipping seemed better. You walked right out, and as you did, my heart skipped a beat.
And I spent all of Philosophy class, wondering if I was meant to fall in love with you.
I couldn't eat at lunch, because my heart just kept eating itself, wondering if I was going to see you again that day in Science.
In French class I couldn't stop from doodling 'Mon Amore' all over my notes.
And finally in Science where you said it was all Bullshit, anyway and slammed the door.
And that time my heart made me follow your steps, faking the footsteps and tracing the lines to your heart. You turned around, when you saw me and said, "Bullshit, right?" And I nodded. You said "Want to ditch with me?" And I smiled while you took me outside and into your truck. You took me out there more, once we started forgetting about the world, and losing ourselves. You kissed me and told me that we had more fun, anyway. And we did.

So, I wake up, after dreaming of your eyes and your lips and your hands. I float to class, just to walk out with you. You take me to your truck and press me up against the window. I wonder, for the first time, if this is what I really wanted, if this was real or a trick, perhaps of light. You told me you loved me, and I wondered if you were the one, after all, that was making up Bullshit.

Say goodbye to yesterday.
It doesn't matter anyway.
Be blessed because you are what they aren't.
Uncover the stars that hide behind your eyes.
Sift through the sand that lies in the hourglass of your time.
Tell them that you will always be ready for un-expectations.
Turn off the lights, before you realize what you've done.
String together a sentence of pearls.
Waste your time being young.
Stop watching and be a star.
And burn out, beautifully.

*raises eyebrow* No comments for the unloved..