If loneliness and lust had a baby, I would name it regret, sibling to loss.

roll the dice 

like a boy

who knows

how to play,

who knows 

how to lose,

to land in 

your arms 

like a fool, 

(whose fool?) 

at the end 

of a night

that didn't 

include you. 

i don't know 

how you became 

the relief i feel 

when i bite my bottom lip,

like a fool,

i become 

yours. 

there's a life

where i lose

endlessly 

because i want 

more

than the world can 

offer 

to a girl

who doesn't know 

what she has. 

There's this saying,

about women who want too much,

(do I want too much?) 

and I wonder,

what could I become

if I play the whore? 

Yes,

this wrongness 

is an undoing

and a longing

like grief uncaged. 

It's a splitting

of my body 

into all the parts 

that make me. 

It's my eyes rolling

into the back of my head

because I want you to tell me

how much you need me. 

I want you to touch me 

like you just want to feel

how soft my fingers are 

in dark closets 

where nothing exists.