Thursday, October 30, 2008

II

I wake.

The air weighs heavy here.
I trace longing on your temples.
Could we be fortunate?

Light is dripping down the windowsill.
Your skin is bruised with shadows.

You are draped in a coat of grief.

You go where I cannot follow.
You are the wanderer.
And I am shaking from the loss.

Where have you gone when you are so close?

We belong to the gutters.
Children born of black blood,
Thickly coursing, weighing us down.
The will cut you,
Slice into your shoulder blades.

You will grow and dust the rooftops.

I will wake alone.
And ponder your small breath.
Old Notebook Pieces

I


She dreamt of colours.
Waking up in foreign sheets.
Gazing up at a canopy of stars.

She shows you how to move
In between the spaces.
The trees all bend their branches in.
Her lips have become
Too familiar.

You worry about the canopy falling;
Crushing you in.
You'll collide with the night sky.
Staying up all day,
Just to smudge the coordinates.

Under the pressure,
Her complexion is cracking.
And you worry.
You don't remember how to touch her
The way she taught you.
You can't find the spaces.

She is burning.
And the leaves have caught.
You wake up to repetition.
And find that she is gone.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Envious breath rolling down your tongue,
Slick, slippery, wet flesh.
Where will you go
Where birds will not shred
Your precious, taut, living skin?

They will see the worms
That live in your bowels.
That slither and twist blindly
Around your eye sockets.

They are flailing through muscle.
They are sliding down bone.

The pretty leaves have fallen
At your feet.
And beady eyes are hungry eyes
That perch near.

Where will you go
Where you will not, my love,
Be eaten alive?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Your hands are rough as sandpaper.
I know because I can feel them
When you press deep down
Into the bone,
My shoulder blades aching with
(The knowledge of)
Something familiar.
Something warm and close.
The smell of the smoke
As it leaks in tendrils
From the mouth
Of the licking flame.
The ecstasy keeps you sane.
It keeps you from rolling under
The wheels of a great locomotive
Howling prehistorically
As it greedily tongues up the landscape
Into its coal-black mouth.

Friday, August 08, 2008

She said,I want to take your hand.
Her trembling expectations.
I want to walk on the clouds, she said.
Her fingers pressed up against the window pane.
His frown a smudge that blurred and darkened his face.
She said, she said, she said:
I'm going to fly.
High and far.
Away away away.
From here.

Her bare feet were dusted with dirt
And she rested her weight now here, now there.
The lover of this someone's daughter
Wrapped his unmoving arms around her waist.
If I love you, how can you run?
If the wind must catch you like a kite,
How will I hold you from so far away
On such a fragile web?

He said, he said, he said.
As she leaned against the frosted glass,
His breath drew circles on her neck
And his whispers encircled the strands
Of her golden hair.
Her smile caught in the glass
While she repeated,
As if his words were only ash,
Falling dead from his lips,
I'm going to fly.
Away, away, away.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Press your hands against mine.
I miss your warmth.
The nights are so cold here.
The chill is set in my bones.
Place the kindling under my toes.
Build the fire right.
A little wind,
Now - not too much -
To give it life.
Press your lips to mine
Once more.
I've missed your tenderness.
The binds are loose,
Like you thought I'd walk away.
Oh dear,
You mustn't worry so much.
There, now, can't feel a thing.
Close your eyes, love,
If it's too much.
And I'll close mine, too.
I can feel it already -
The warmth is building
As the fire climbs.
Let go now, dear.
I'm finally comfortable enough
To die on my own.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

It isn’t my fault, he said, that I fell in love with you. It was your beauty that made me stumble over your words. Your beauty that made my skin bolt to yours, that magnetic pulse of your lips, the electric charge sparking from your eyes. I can’t be blamed for it. It was your fault, all along.

The sheets held them buoyant like water, and the small bed crashed them together like waves against rocks. He held her wrists up by his chest as they both lay side by side, locked in each other's stares. From the half-shaded window, the bright winter light cut across the room and hit the two half-covered by the large quilt that spilled across their legs and down onto the floor. The cold made her whole body brush violently against his, craving the warmth that he held her from.

Her frustrated voice was barbed with tears as she spoke in ragged waves. These words mean nothing, she said.

Afloat in the wintry calm, the waves of sheets strewn among them, the two lovers fell apart, crashed together, drowned by meaningless words and were, again and again, saved by their tireless love and silent motions.


One morning, after sex, they lay in bed together, limbs over limbs, heartbeats amplified. With flushed cheeks she had pressed her nose into his cheek and said, if I am beautiful, it is because you make me so.

He turned to press his nose against hers; you are beautiful because the stars turn into diamonds at night. You are beautiful because the rain makes the flowers blossom and show their colours. He smiled and kissed her. Then he got up out of bed.

Twenty minutes later, while she still dosed in the mid-morning light, he had gathered his clothes into a small rolling suitcase.

You’re leaving.
She had heard him come in and had seen the suitcase behind the door. Her lungs could not bring in air fast enough and, as she fled from the captive hold of the sheets, she feared she would hit the floor dead by the time she reached him.

He caught her by her shoulders and held her away from him. Come with me, he said. I’m leaving for good.

I can’t leave, she said. This is my home.

We’ll make a new home. We’ll sleep under a ceiling of stars.

She sat back on the bed, why do you have to leave?

He knelt beside her, I love you. Come with me.

She moved her lips close to his and whispered, I love you. Stay.

The light seeped in through the curtains and stained the two stubborn lovers.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Her eyes open,
A sunbeam falls through
The dancing curtains.
It darts across the room,
And lands on his sleeping face.
Her heart skips.
This is happiness.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I'm scared my life has no meaning.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Your head on my pillow.
Your breath warming my neck.
Your hands enveloping my waist.
There are times when I close my eyes
And I can't see your face.
I can't feel your touch.
And I wonder
If you died,
would I still exist;
Or be an empty space,
A hollow where your arms
Used to rest,
A vacuum for the whispers
Your lips used to press
Against my neck.
Her skin is pale and flushed.
You can't bring her back
To where she came from.
The wind is high
And your skin is burning
From the cold.

Let her go if you must.
If you can't pull her in
To your warm chest.
If you can't hold her tight
And let the wind
Carry you both away.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I want to touch you.
Your body is my painted sky.
Your warm fingertips
Are the rays of the sun.
You wouldn't know it,
By the colour of her skin
Or the look she gives you
From her seat in the corner
Of the laughing room,
But before the break of day
She has already bought the train ticket
That will take her far away.

In the mid-afternoon sun,
She packs a suitcase
And puts up her hair.

Each time a different destination;
New York, Paris, Halifax.
By evening, she has been drunk away
By thoughts of a new life;
A better beginning.

She can never bring herself to leave.

The night brings his soft, gentle kiss,
Her tired eyes fall finally
As sleep catches her in his arms.

Paris can wait.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I want to see you again.
The freckles across your nose.
Your hand when its cold.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

One day, everything will be beautiful.
And we won't have to wait.

Small fingers pressing down
On each broken piano key.
And you can't hear the music.

One day, our love will fall away.
Hollow vessels of broken melodies.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Her love was made of sparrows' bones. Tied together with dolls' hair, and bits of string. His hand left a string of purple chasing round her neck.

At night, when she sang lullabies her mother knew, he unraveled the strings that closed up her heart. He spun out her fondest memories, her simple joys, her farthest dreams. Then he hung them out, one by one, still while she sang her mother's favourite songs.

In the dark, the nightmares crept in and drew close to her heart's loves. Brushed up against them in a sweet embrace, like the caressing wind. And, one by one, they tore her memories, her hopes, her dreams down.

When dawn came, with open eyes, she sewed her love back together, and fixed the gaping holes as best she could, with tiny, trembling fingers.
Don't scream this time
I'll promise you something
To fall asleep to.
We're sleeping on air.
We're breathing in cold ash.
We're falling through time.
You're the pain in my stomach,
The need in my bones.
This is too comfortable
For our cause.
Regret washes us over,
Drags our bones across the sea.
Drying out on land,
We are plucked thin
And skeletons starved.
Something is missing - lost -
In the question.
It falls away.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

In flowered fields they wait
Translucent ghosts
Weeping into cotton sheets.

On her lips a field of roses
Bloom.

I've been here so long.
Kiss me longer.
You've been here too.
Patience, dear.

The sun is just setting
And soon it will be dark.
I want to remember
The gold tinge that frames
Your face.

Pull on your cap
Wide-brimmed across your eyes.

Across the stars,
There are stairs they climb
High to the heavens.

Keep me warm.
The snow falls thick here.
In time, you too, will be washed away.
Take care to find reason in the steps you take.
Favour the beautiful ones
That cross your way.

Sea nympths, gathering their hair
In tresses - long across shoulder blades.

There are times when you won't exist
And they will wait.
Forgive the hollow passes
We make in your honour.
Forgive the calls we make
In the night.

We are buried in our lust.
Lost in their violence.
You see through the windows.

Touch my face.
Tell me I'm beautiful.
I need this fire to burn.

We are pointed northbound
Where we will never be found.

Oh broken beads
You're crashing where we can't be found.
And you've forgotten the most important lesson.
The wind is high.
And your hand is numb
And cold in mine.

Dear, you've lost it now.
Broken-backed on a high-frame bed.
Trust this.
Where there is no other.
And I can capture your breath
And your love now.

Coarse your fresh face
Brushing, glancing mine.
Bricks of stone
Glued together, falling apart.
Pieces of your regret.

She will bruise your skin.
Don't you listen to them.
You can feel the heartache through
Your bones.

Touch my face.
Bring me home.

Your eyes are burning.
There are skeletons on the walls.
Empty shelves and drawers.
Endless blank faces
That mean nothing.

We will find each other
In the eyes of the moon,
The sun and the stars.
You will seek the endless passage.
You will condemn them all.

Left bleeding, drowning,
Kicking and screaming.
Don't save her. Don't save her.
Already I can feel the loss.
Your warmth dissipating.

Close your eyes.
Listen.
This feels like falling.

Coming home hauntingly alone.
The ghosts' fingers invite sickness.
There are times when you are never alone.
It's more than this.

Your fingers through their hair.
They'll pull you into the water.
They'll push you till you drown.
Tell me this isn't what you saw;
What you want.

Touch my face.
Come home with me.

Flight's a worn out notion.
Light me a torch, love.
Sing, sing to me.
Press your face to mine.
We're close to falling.
Close to the earth.

They'll take your breath away,
Drag you through the depths.

Paint this arpeggio.
The landscape of our love.
The torn sheets you won't replace.
Peel the walls and bare your soul.
You've promised this.

I've sold my love in pieces.
I've crossed this street many times.
You shouldn't worry for her.
This is where we cross the line.
Here we stand often.
In the middle of the road.

Brush over the walls.
Count the lines in the score.

I would never wish for your
Happy ending.
Tear me up.
This could never last.
On the verge of breaking eardrums.
Snapping heart strings.

You needed a victory.

We messed it up.
We made them all cry.
If I write it down it'll come true.
In my mind it breeds.
I wonder how long this will stay hidden.

Press your fingers down on my eyelids.
Shut out the need.
Away, away, away.
Away, away, away.
Save her.
(These stained sheets have already
Forgotten you)