tightrope wire walker crossing the sea

I don't know how to miss you.

The thought is salt water:

cold where it meets my eyelids;

rough against my shins 

as I brace against the tide. 

I have this idea 

of an alternate universe. 

I haven't let myself linger there 

for fear of a collapse,

like Alice,

down and down and down and 

never stopping

until the amphetamines whisper, 

"let's go home together." 

As if I could be yours and mine 

at the same time. 

As if I could play at being the most wanted person in the universe. 

As if everyone loved me. 

As if I was finally a creature 

made to be adored.

Darling, the pedestal I put you on

is the one I've never reached. 

I wonder what it would be like

to love you from such a height.