Eternal Lullaby

For all of those who know I'm writing a story (and I guess for all of you who don't..), I need comments from someone for what I've written so far. It's about...10 pages in 12 pt. font...so, it's quite a bit. If anyone has some free time on their hands and feels like critisizing - actual critisizing, not 'friend' critisizing, if you please :) - then I can send you my story. I'm having a bit of trouble with it...heh..
Thanks guys!
By the way, I apologize again for posting so much, especially cause I kind of burned up on Breanna for posting so much. Sorry Breanna! I love you!