More reflecting...
I hate this.
I check my weight at least once a day. I looked at myself in the mirror for a good 5-10 minutes tonight, examining the little things I want to change, everything I want to change, my whole self. Every day is a struggle. Most of the time it ends in me not really caring either way, and by saying not caring, I mean I don't solve the issue but it never gets any more extreme. Yeah, I could probably do more things to get fit, eat better, all the tricks.
But what really gets me wondering, the question I have to keep coming back to day upon day is "Am I fat?" And I don't mean overweight, because that's a whole other issue, but I mean fat in the way of describing words. Like you would recall a girl you remembered skinny with blonde hair and neat shoes. Like you might remember in your mind that girl that was on the heavy side, not overweight, but you remember her as yourself thinking, I don't want to ever be like that.
What I want to know is, am I pretty? Could I pass for one of those girls on magazine covers? I don't think they allow love-handle flab, or stretch marks or eyebrows that aren't perfectly aligned. And I know what you're thinking. That doesn't matter! But it does. If it didn't matter there wouldn't be anorexia or bulimia, and girls wouldn't always be comparing themselves to other girls. See, if you were skinny and pretty and you had the perfect physical features and yet you still had your same personality, would you not get more advantages in life? You'd still be you on the outside, but more people would like you. You'd be able to choose which ones were ones that you really wanted to hang out with, because you're beautiful and people listen to beautiful people because they want to be beautiful and they're hoping some of it will rub off of you. Whereas, if you're an ugly person, although you may have a beautiful personality, you aren't going to get the same opportunities as that skinny, pretty girl. If you really want to be a model and you have a wonderful soul, but crooked teeth or a bit of flab, you're not going to be able to do that unless you work your butt off and pay a million dollars to fix your teeth and have liposuction.
So, should we change the ads and billboards and magazine covers to things more appropriate for young women, and for women everywhere?Yeah. Should we make them more like dove commercials? Yeah. Because this negative self-image crap sucks. I feel like that girl who thinks she's fat in the dove commercial. Except, I have my own perception, so I never really know what other people see. Except that they aren't going to tell me that I'm fat because they think that would be mean or hurt my self-image. But it's worse not knowing I think, than being told the truth.
I don't really know what the point of this rant was. I just felt I needed to release some of these stupid self-image things. I just...I keep hearing people on the bus and everywhere and they talk about nothing. They talk about fat girls and ugly girls and I just...it's too much of the majority. I guess I'm going back to the whole, where have all the intelligent people gone? Where are all the guys that don't like to degrade women? Where are all the girls that don't degrade each other?
I don't know anymore. I'm going to go to sleep, so I can try and dream away this stress, and these molecules that make up my existence. So maybe, I can wake up and be beautiful.
I hate this.
I check my weight at least once a day. I looked at myself in the mirror for a good 5-10 minutes tonight, examining the little things I want to change, everything I want to change, my whole self. Every day is a struggle. Most of the time it ends in me not really caring either way, and by saying not caring, I mean I don't solve the issue but it never gets any more extreme. Yeah, I could probably do more things to get fit, eat better, all the tricks.
But what really gets me wondering, the question I have to keep coming back to day upon day is "Am I fat?" And I don't mean overweight, because that's a whole other issue, but I mean fat in the way of describing words. Like you would recall a girl you remembered skinny with blonde hair and neat shoes. Like you might remember in your mind that girl that was on the heavy side, not overweight, but you remember her as yourself thinking, I don't want to ever be like that.
What I want to know is, am I pretty? Could I pass for one of those girls on magazine covers? I don't think they allow love-handle flab, or stretch marks or eyebrows that aren't perfectly aligned. And I know what you're thinking. That doesn't matter! But it does. If it didn't matter there wouldn't be anorexia or bulimia, and girls wouldn't always be comparing themselves to other girls. See, if you were skinny and pretty and you had the perfect physical features and yet you still had your same personality, would you not get more advantages in life? You'd still be you on the outside, but more people would like you. You'd be able to choose which ones were ones that you really wanted to hang out with, because you're beautiful and people listen to beautiful people because they want to be beautiful and they're hoping some of it will rub off of you. Whereas, if you're an ugly person, although you may have a beautiful personality, you aren't going to get the same opportunities as that skinny, pretty girl. If you really want to be a model and you have a wonderful soul, but crooked teeth or a bit of flab, you're not going to be able to do that unless you work your butt off and pay a million dollars to fix your teeth and have liposuction.
So, should we change the ads and billboards and magazine covers to things more appropriate for young women, and for women everywhere?Yeah. Should we make them more like dove commercials? Yeah. Because this negative self-image crap sucks. I feel like that girl who thinks she's fat in the dove commercial. Except, I have my own perception, so I never really know what other people see. Except that they aren't going to tell me that I'm fat because they think that would be mean or hurt my self-image. But it's worse not knowing I think, than being told the truth.
I don't really know what the point of this rant was. I just felt I needed to release some of these stupid self-image things. I just...I keep hearing people on the bus and everywhere and they talk about nothing. They talk about fat girls and ugly girls and I just...it's too much of the majority. I guess I'm going back to the whole, where have all the intelligent people gone? Where are all the guys that don't like to degrade women? Where are all the girls that don't degrade each other?
I don't know anymore. I'm going to go to sleep, so I can try and dream away this stress, and these molecules that make up my existence. So maybe, I can wake up and be beautiful.
posted by Stephanie at
10:23 PM
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