I guess this time my blogging isn't some kind of way to express myself fluently. This post will just be my horrendously messed up description of how life can be incredibly cruel, although not cruel enough so that you feel guilty for thinking it so cruel.
It seems that my birthday may just be the black hole of my entire universe. Although with exceptions, it has been moderately well.
Allow me to ramble momentarily about all the bad things that have happened...
-my great-grandmother died two years ago in April
-my uncle died last two years ago in April..
-April is a month where all the teachers realize they have to pick up their shit and actually teach us something
-I always lose all my self-esteem and end up dumping my life on other people...like now, for example
-the only actual semi-relationship I had was in April..
This year:
- the whole self-esteem and teacher thing again..
- I feel on the edge about everything..like it's all going to unravel
- My mother...And my grandparents..allow me to ramble some more on this:
My grandparents have worked tirelessly throughout their lives to accomplish a goal of making their children happy, although to accomplish this goal they must bitch to my mother, their daughter, about how difficult it is to make this money and how she does not have enough responsibility to handle it all. My mother gets very upset about this and tells me father in very loud tones. My father likes to remain calm and tell my mother everything will be okay, even if it is shitty. My mother continues to hate her father quietly. Now, the trouble with this coinciding with my birthday is that because it is my sweet sixteen, my grandparents want to do something special for me. This involves them telling my mother that she is not a responsible enough parent to deserve these 'wonderful' gifts. My mother complains to my father in loud tones. Now, if it would make my mother stop bitching, I would take away all the gifts I asked for. Every single one. I swear to whatever god I happen to believe in at the time..But I cannot tell my mother this.
So now, the day before I go to my grandparents house, I am swamped in guilt and I do not know what I will do...I honestly might just break down if my mother is caused any more pain by my birthday. So, you see, while most people would be happy that they are recieving such ridiculously expense gifts, I am wishing that it would all just go away so my family will stop being so fake.